I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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