I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
