At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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