I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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