you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
