Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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