I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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