told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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