What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
