Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
