i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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