Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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