I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well you can't waste a boner
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
