so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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