Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
