Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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