She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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