Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
