Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this will be a night to untag.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
