Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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