Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
