Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I party with great urgency now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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