my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Shame - the story of my life.
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