Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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