i already hear my dad disowning me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
