At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
