you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
