i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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