How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
