She is in my trunk
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
