omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
