my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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