I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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