she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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