I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
