I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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