she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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