don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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