You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
