i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
