ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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