Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
