TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize