I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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