just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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