It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
