Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
