We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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