Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
