bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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