Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Help me help you realize you are a moron
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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