he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
