Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
