Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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