Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I want a musical about memes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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