If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
