he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize