I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
