I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
