No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
